Comments on “Fraught with consequences [Dating Escorts & Sex Workers]”

I recently read Maggie McNeil’s awesome May 2015 article “Fraught With Complications”  about Dating for Escorts and Sex Workers.  It took me a while to stumble over it, i think it has a lot to say and recommend you go to her site and read the whole thing, not just my short excerpt here.

[Someone had asked Maggie] “I recently started dating an escort that I’ve been seeing professionally for a while, but I found out that all of her escort friends are warning her away from me.  Why are they so skeptical about my feelings toward her?”Relationships with escorts are fraught with complications for a number reasons, including but not limited to:

  • Clients trying to get free sex by promising “love”, just as men have done to amateur women for millennia;
  • Clients who are turned on by whores [as] whores, and not really attracted to the women as individuals;
  • Guys who really think they love a whore, but are not  prepared for the social stigma or the burden of having to keep her secret from employers, family, friends, etc;
  • Men who really are in love with whores, but let jealousy destroy the relationships;
  • Men who fancy themselves pimps and try to manage their girlfriends’ work, even to the point of abusive and controlling behavior;
  • Boyfriends or husbands who demand that the sex worker give up her work and either become economically dependent (“barefoot and pregnant”) or go to work in a shitty non-sex “straight” job that will wear her down;
  • Clients who think they’re in love with a woman, but are actually just infatuated with her business persona;
  • Guys who imagine that sex workers’ sex drives are higher than those of amateur women, or that they’re always more open-minded about preferences and kinks that they’re not being paid to indulge.

Those last two are probably the most insidious, because they may be hard for either party to tell apart from real affection and only reveal themselves once the couple is cohabiting and he discovers that he doesn’t like her relaxed, yoga-pants-wearing, housework-hating, menstruating, bad-hair-day-having, moody, personal-problem-suffering, family-drama-experiencing, opinion-expressing, not-always-in-the-mood, idiosyncratic self.

While I can understand the listed reasons above as being true even most of the time. There has to be a way for Women (or Men) who happen to perform sex services to find love and get into healthy and successful romantic relationships.

Most regular romantic relationships and even marriages fail after a while, something like 50+% so when adding the additional difficulty of one or both parties being SWers, I’m not surprised that “bad experience” stories are easy to find.

Seeking stable loving long-term relationships is universal for the human experience, so you will find 7 billion opinions on the matter, each with several stories. That’s a VERY big pool of good and bad experiences to draw from.

I have no personal experience in relationships with SWers, but think it very harsh indeed to accept these reasons at face value and condemn all Sex Workers to non-professional, non-romantic singledom for the rest of their lives.

-Darla

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